A recent conversation: Dubya: Look at the clock, time is racing! Cheney: That's the second hand, George.

Check out the helmet hair on Randy Moss, babe! He looks like some freakish anti-Mr. T after a long evening sleeping through 'Aida.'

The soldiers kill suicide bombers. Think about that. When a guys whole thing in life is to kill himself and you get there first... you are halling ass my friends.

Nowadays, with history not being taught anymore in American public schools, self-esteem is taking its place.

You know there is a problem with the education system when you realize that out of the 3 R's only one begins with an R.

America may be the best country in the world, but that's kind of like being the valedictorian of summer school.

And by the way, my belief is that if men were the ones getting pregnant, abortions would be easier to get than food poisoning in Moscow.