A recent police study found that you're much more likely to get shot by a fat cop if you run.

Then people ask me if I'm worried about the effects of global warming on my kids. Well, obviously I love my kids and I want them to live to be a 100. So that's another 1.8. My kids' kids? Three point six. I'll just tell them we moved to Phoenix.

Jack Kerouac was cool because he had no idea he was.

I'm extremely moved by the loving, caring relationship the President always seems to have with his imaginary son.

Everyone wants answers and wants to know what the timeline is. Unfortunately, it's a complex situation, and we don't have the final answers yet.

Let me use their own terminology against them. They aborted a child in the 200th trimester.

I think the people can bash Catholics because they know Catholics won't kill them. Quite frankly, there's some religions out there, you bash and they're going to kill you.