If you're a man and you have big tits, don't wear a tight T-shirt, okay? It confuses the children!

I don't know about you, but in my neighborhood, they just opened a Starbucks... IN A STARBUCKS!!!

So who's the big red menace nowadays? Cuba. That's it? I'm sorry, but it's hard to whip up any us against them nationalist fervor about a country whose principal export is citizens who can swim.

I preume there are far too many abortions performed in this country. And I also believe that at the end of the day, as much as I might disapprove, none of them are really any of my business.

Ah, Feminism in the nineties, what a What is yours what is mine field.

Teresa Lewis, the only woman on death row in Virginia, says she doesn't deserve the death penalty because she only hired the killers of her husband and stepson, she didn't actually pull the trigger herself. You know, she has a point. I think we should let her be able to hire the person who executes her, and not do yourself in! How's that, doll? Yeah! Get it over with quick, maybe Charlize Theron will sign up to play you.

If Bill Gates is worth $30 billion then a good haircut must cost $31 billion