By the time I was in the fourth grade, I sounded exactly like my father on the phone.

I guess the best advice I ever got or anyone could get for doing a talk show, though it has not been easy very often, was from Jack Paar, who said, 'Kid, don't make it an interview. Interviews have clipboards, and you're like David Frost. Make it a conversation.'

There is something about a Luger that separates it from all other handguns, and Luger devotees and Luger society members speak of it in romantic terms that must sound plain nuts to those who consider themselves level-headed.

Electronic devices dislike me. There is never a day when something isn't ailing.

In relative youth, we assume we'll remember everything. Someone should urge the young to think otherwise.

The brain process that results in a joke materializing where no joke was before remains a mystery. I'm not aware of any scholarly, scientific or neurological studies on the subject.

Home schooling as an idea is on a par with home dentistry.