It's lamented that the youth get their news from Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert. It's lamentable that they get more from them than from the news.

Coming up through the ranks of any calling can be rough, but that battered soul who survives the early years of courting the comic muse comes close to knowing what only the soldier knows: What combat is like.

I don't think anyone ever gets over the surprise of how differently one audience's reaction is from another.

I would not ever try to be a show intellectual, which I was accused of doing a while on ABC. I thought you were supposed to read the guests' books.

I always wanted to live in a haunted house.

The emotions in all true anxiety dreams are next to unbearable.

Every comic can report a few 'gift from the gods' moments.