I'm not the guy with the enormous comedy nose or the big feet or the bad posture or the whatever; a physical comic has certain things.

Japanese is sort of a hobby of mine, and I can get around Japan with ease.

Every time I nostalgically try to regain my liking of John McCain, he reaches into his sleaze bag and pulls out something malodorous.

I find most 'sacred music' pretty dismal.

Every time someone says, 'You know, we really ought to get together,' if I were really honest, I would ask 'Why?'

I haven't ever found any great writing on that wonderful and often unappreciated art form, the insult.

If (O.J. Simpson) is acquitted, I will renounce my citizenship. And if I converse with him at a cocktail party, I will say, 'Well, there are so many people here who haven't murdered anyone. I think I'll go talk to them.' I'll also riot.