The mob became unruly and the police were forced to resort to sex.

I have yet to see one of those Comedy Central shows with multiple standup comics that doesn't include someone the size of the Hindenburg.

I find most 'sacred music' pretty dismal.

By the time I was in the fourth grade, I sounded exactly like my father on the phone.

There should be three days a week when no one is allowed to say: 'What's your sign?' Violators would have their copies of Kahlil Gibran confiscated.

I don't think anyone ever gets over the surprise of how differently one audience's reaction is from another.

Unpleasant reading on the subject of anger tells us that there's not really anything wrong with it. In limited amounts. It can even be a good thing. A pressure valve.