I have a feeling that about 90% of my life has been shaped by my voice, both as an embarrassment and as an advantage. There was always the terrible incongruity of this deep voice barreling out of this little body. Somewhere in the back of my mind I was aware that it was ludicrous, that it took on an importance that wasn't really there.

Nobody is going to try to confiscate guns, although some Web sites know better: President Obama, they are certain, wants to.

I think I'd be pretty easy to write for.

Teaching is an art and a profession requiring years of training.

Electronic devices dislike me. There is never a day when something isn't ailing.

If I were running a campaign, I'd urge taking the mountain of money reportedly squandered on pizza, coffee and bagels and spending it more wisely - on a talented young comedy writer.

It's a tribute to the human brain that anyone is able to function out there on television in a talk situation that is entirely artificial.