To label me an intellectual is a misunderstanding of what that is.

It's lamented that the youth get their news from Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert. It's lamentable that they get more from them than from the news.

I get a kick out of people saying I was funny.

Censorship feeds the dirty mind more than the four-letter word itself.

A biggest mistake I made when I started doing a talk show was I thought you had to read the books.

Does anything show the complexity of the miraculous brain more than that weird curiosity, the sleep-protection dream?

You have to be on TV a surprisingly long time before you're stopped on the street. Then, when you are, you get a lot of, 'Hey, you're great! What's your name again?'