To call New York's traffic at holiday time a nightmare is to understate.

I'll be happy if I can just stay out of Nebraska.

The very phrase 'Oscar night' used to accelerate my pulse. For one thing - dating myself - it meant Bob Hope. He always had good, strong jokes, that faultless delivery, and always a new joke about his own films' failure - once again - to be honored.

My IQ is somewhere between Spiro Agnew's and Albert Einstein's.

A biggest mistake I made when I started doing a talk show was I thought you had to read the books.

There were several things a Yale freshman was supposed to be able to do. You had to demonstrate in the Olympic-size Yale pool that you could swim 50 yards or be inducted into swimming class.

I would not ever try to be a show intellectual, which I was accused of doing a while on ABC. I thought you were supposed to read the guests' books.