Dogs are great assets to candidates, and the feeling seems to be engendered that if a dog loves the candidate, he can't be all that bad.

I never believed in Santa Claus because I knew no white dude would come into my neighborhood after dark.

I wouldn't mind paying taxes... if I knew they were going to a friendly country

Hell hath no fury like a liberal scorned.

The funniest jokes you know aren't from comics but relatives, friends - from your life. That's the funniest stuff.

Education means to bring out wisdom. Indoctrination means to push in knowledge.

There's a God force inside of you that gives you a will to live.