A pessimist is a person who has had to listen to too many optimists.

It would be a colorless world if each individual did not secretly believe himself superior to almost everyone else.

As the skull of the man grows broader, so do his creeds. And his gods they are shaped in his image and mirror his needs. And he clothes them with thunders and beauty, He clothes them with music and fire, Seeing not, as he bows by their altars, That he worships his own desire.

I once heard the survivors of a colony of ants that had been partially obliterated by a cow's foot seriously debating the intention of the gods towards their civilization.

If a child shows himself incorrigible, he should be decently and quietly beheaded at the age of twelve, lest he grow to maturity, marry, and perpetuate his kind.

He worked like hell in the country so he could live in the city, where he worked like hell so he could live in the country.

Poetry is what Milton saw when he went blind.