Why does every girl in the world wanna date me? Especially right now man, especially when I'm busy!

I don't talk soft, that's that other guy.

If you're on Twitter, what you're saying is, 'I'm important enough for you to care what I think.'

Revenge is for the weak so I have settled my vendettas with all of the kids who made my early life a living hell.

Writing is a very strenuous thing - it's like banging your head against a wall. At the end of the day, acting is better, just because nobody ever asked me if I wanted a Pellegrino in the writer's room.

When I wanna be a superhero I just wake up.

I hope people come to the shows because they feel like there's something there that I can't necessarily articulate, but it's real and it's fun.