Never kiss in public, but at home I am affectionate.

The only reason I'm able to do music is because I'm making money on 'Community.' If I wasn't, I couldn't pay for things.

May your dreams be sweet and your nightmares be spooky-monster-scary and not grandma-died-scary.

We had a teacher, named Mr. Brown, and he was writing something on the board once - he was writing something on the board, and he farted. And you would have thought kids had seen the face of God. Kids weren't even laughing; they were just sitting there screaming, just screaming. Kids had to get carted out; kids were screaming. Kids had to get carted out, and they were going to the nurses' office. Kids are crying in the hallway. 'Oh, this is our 9/11.' And it was. It was their 9/11 'cause they never thought anything like that could ever happen.

I lost my virginity junior year of college, I was 21... I was awkward, and I was raised Jehovah's Witness so I thought sex was bad, I thought I was going to go to hell, and get AIDS immediately.

Don't add an eezy to my name, 'cause it has never been that'

Most people think I'm Danny Glover's son when they meet me. So when they ask, I say 'No, I'm Crispin Glover's son.' Then we stare at each other for a long time.