When I wanna be a superhero I just wake up.

Taking a call girl to an STD fair... there's a joke here.

I'd much rather have AIDS than a baby... They're not that different at all. They're both expensive, you have them for the rest of your life, they're constant reminders of the mistakes you've made and once you have them, you pretty much can only date other people who have them.

But I just think I was lucky enough to figure out early on that I wanted to do comedy, so that's what I put all my effort into.

We lay out our lives in a narrative we understand, like a movie, but are you enjoying making it or are you wondering who's watching my movie.

Girls are supposed to dance. That's why god gave them parts that jiggle.

Never kiss in public, but at home I am affectionate.