Girls who used to tell me I ain't cool enough now text me pics saying you can tear this up!

The worst is feeling worthless.

But I just think I was lucky enough to figure out early on that I wanted to do comedy, so that's what I put all my effort into.

You know who was on time tonight, which surprised me? Ghostface. Ghostface was early and making calls - what rapper does that?

I'm trying hard not to use a specific reference, but you'll probably know it's you after the first sentence.

May your dreams be sweet and your nightmares be spooky-monster-scary and not grandma-died-scary.

I have an obsession with books about kids with Asperger's syndrome.