[On being shown an apartment by a real estate agent:] Oh, dear, that's much too big. All I need is room enough to lay a hat and a few friends.

Benchley and I had an office in the old Life magazine that was so tiny, if it were an inch smaller it would have been adultery.

Of Orson Welles: It's like meeting God without dying.

I can’t write five words but that I change seven.

Writing well is the best revenge.

Oh, life is a glorious cycle of song, a medley of extemporanea, And love is a thing that can never go wrong, and I am Marie of Romania.

Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician.