[On being shown an apartment by a real estate agent:] Oh, dear, that's much too big. All I need is room enough to lay a hat and a few friends.

The Monte Carlo casino refused to admit me until I was properly dressed so I went and found my stockings, and then came back and lost my shirt.

Most good women are hidden treasures who are only safe because nobody looks for them.

The best way to avoid a hangover is to stay drunk.

And there was that poor sucker Flaubert rolling around on his floor for three days looking for the right word.

[At the reception following her remarriage to Alan Campbell:] People who haven't talked to each other in years are on speaking terms again today - including the bride and groom.

A girl's best friend is her mutter.