Some men break your heart in two, Some men fawn and flatter, Some men never look at you; And that cleans up the matter.

The definition of eternity is two people and a ham.

Telegram to a friend who had just become a mother after a prolonged pregnancy: Good work, Mary. We all knew you had it in you.

Ducking for apples -- change one letter and it's the story of my life.

There was a reason for the cost of those perfectly plain black dresses.

Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician.

Then if my friendships break and bend, There's little need to cry The while I know that every foe Is faithful till I die.