The definition of eternity is two people and a ham.

And I'll stay off Verlaine too; he was always chasing Rimbauds.

Misfortune, and recited misfortune especially, can be prolonged to the point where it ceases to excite pity and arouses only irritation.

The Monte Carlo casino refused to admit me until I was properly dressed so I went and found my stockings, and then came back and lost my shirt.

Ducking for apples -- change one letter and it's the story of my life.

It may be that this autobiography [Aimee Semple McPherson's] is set down in sincerity, frankness, and simple effort. It may be, too, that the Statue of Liberty is situated in Lake Ontario.

I don't mind anything that's written about me, as long as it's not true.