I don't want to be classed as a humorist. It makes me feel guilty. I've never read a good tough quotable female humorist, and I never was one myself. I couldn't do it. A "smartcracker" they called me, and that makes me sick and unhappy. There's a hell of a distance between wisecracking and wit. Wit has truth in it; wisecracking is simply calisthenics with words.

Oh, both my shoes are shiny new, And pristine is my hat My dress is 1922… My life is all like that.

Of Orson Welles: It's like meeting God without dying.

Why is it no one sent me yet one perfect limousine, do you suppose? Ah no, it's always just my luck to get one perfect rose.

The affair between Margot Asquith and Margot Asquith will live as one of the prettiest love stories in all literature.

One more drink and I'd have been under the host.

Her mind lives tidily, apart from cold and noise and pain. And bolts the door against her heart, out wailing in the rain.