The best way to avoid a hangover is to stay drunk.

When your bank account is so overdrawn that it is positively photographic, steps must be taken.

Of course I talk to myself. I like a good speaker, and I appreciate an intelligent audience.

It turns out that, at social gatherings, as a source of entertainment, conviviality, and good fun, I rank somewhere between a sprig of parsley and a single ice-skate.

All those writers who write about their own childhood! Gentle God, if I wrote about mine you wouldn't sit in the same room with me.

Heterosexuality is not normal, it's just common.

If you want to know what God thinks about money, just look at the people He gives it to.