People say pot-smokers are lazy. I disagree; I'm a multitasking pot-smoker: just the other day I was walking down the street, I was putting eyedrops in my eyes, I was talking on my cell phone, and I was getting hit by a car.

Stand-up is a very scary, very solitary profession, but you have to experience it to figure out if it's right for you.

It's easier to do comedy with an audience, because their reactions tell you whether or not what your saying qualifies as comedy.

If someone wants to make a joke about me smoking too much pot, I'm not going to get mad at them, because I've put it out there that that's what I do.

Even if you are 18, my advice to you is: plan for your future.

I'm sitting, waiting to get on the freeway, and I'm waiting my ass off. I look over at the side of the road, and there's a hitchhiker with a sign and it says, 'Pick me up, and you can drive in the carpool lane.' I got to tell you, he was kind of smelly, but he was a good conversationalist.

Smoking pot makes people talk for long periods of time, for instance, so people who advocate pot won't shut the hell up about it.