If you ever go to Las Vegas, and you will, just go for a few days. I was there recently for seven days, seven days in Vegas. After I blew all my money on gambling and prostitution, I had six days to kill.

Society has definitely gotten to the point where everybody has to comment on anything, and if you want to stay sane as a performer, you're better off not reading that stuff.

It's easier to do comedy with an audience, because their reactions tell you whether or not what your saying qualifies as comedy.

Big deal... the only cats that don't have three legs are the ones with two through zero legs.

I can't go off all crazy like that and reward someone a ton of money.

I know there's a lot of nasty humor directed at celebrities, but my feeling is, in most cases, they deserve it.

Marijuana: why forget something tomorrow when you can forget it today?