A friend is someone I complain to about my other friends.

A talking dog is not the answer. That's not a way to convince people not to smoke pot. If animals started talking to me, I would up my pot consumption just to make that happen.

Never really intended to be a comedian, just sort of fell into that, but always wanted to be in show business, or something to do with making comedy.

[Deadpool] is definitely squirm-inducing. It's a pretty hard R, violence-wise. But cartoony, also. Maybe fast-forward through to torture scenes.

It's fun playing the judge, because I grew up on all the courtroom stuff in movies and TV. So, you know all the tropes, and you know all the expressions.

Even if you are 18, my advice to you is: plan for your future.

Einstein used science to get laid. That guy is a genius. I've been using money.