P. Diddy's gonna be exhausted, you know, running with the Olympic torch in one hand and the torch he'll always carry for J-Lo in the other.

You know you drank too much the night before when you wake up with crop circles in your pubes.

Do you get a nice monthly check from the government for dwelling on things?

The thing is girls will always say you're lying when you say you had sex with them when you're lying about having sex with them.

Obviously, you take the risk to step over the line any time you do something where comedians interact with each other. Like a roast, somebody's always going to cross over the line. As far as the public goes, I like feedback, I like to hear laughter, and I like the occasional pointed heckle, but it's true: Everybody thinks that they need to express their opinion now. There's been this sea change where people are constantly writing to me directly about stuff, where in the past you'd never hear about it, because nobody would try to find you to make one of their stupid comments.

I enjoy a lot of stuff. That's why I pursued a career in show business, because I enjoy watching everything as much or more than making it. I'm just a big TV and movie junkie from when I was a kid. Fortunately, it worked out.

I've always enjoyed things that are popular,I mean, obviously, there are plenty of things that are popular that I hate. But when something like that is done right, I just think they nail it. I just think Modern Family is a really clever show.