I think there is much more storytelling in stand-up now. Less emphasis on the joke. Jokes are still important, but it feels like a more intimate and personal experience these days.

We don't want any pot-smoking vaginas because that's disgusting. And I saw it once in Indonesia, and I've never been able to get it out of my head.

I have been in kind of a sexual dry spell lately. In the past few years I've only had sex in months that end in arch... in years that have an Olympics.

[Ryan Reynolds] has had stabs at it like Just Friends. He's really fun in that.

No one really needs to defend drinking. That's something that frustrates me as a comic: I have to play clubs where selling booze runs the business, so crowds get drunk and yell out a bunch of stupid stuff at me.

I saw a dog in a cage. And that cage had a sign on it that said, 'I bite.' And I was like, 'That is good to know doggy, but that's not the most important thing about you. You should make a sign that says, 'I make signs.''

LL Cool J should be the spokesman for a line of pajamas called Ladies Love Cool Jammies.