There's a lust to get on TV.

I used to make love to Green Day's music. But 9 minutes? I'm not Superman.

I like to go see a ball game. I'll have seven, eight, nine - 10 beers, and the second inning will roll around, and I gotta go.

The genius' behind the new Rocky movie decided to call it Rocky Balboa so that we'll probably forget that it's number six. Or Rocky Balboa can't count past five.

Society has definitely gotten to the point where everybody has to comment on anything, and if you want to stay sane as a performer, you're better off not reading that stuff.

Why would any woman agree to be on a show called Bridezillas? It's not like men would agree to be on Douchegroom.

Any comedic entertainment is better when you get high.