If you have anyone smoking pot in a movie it automatically, I think, knocks it up to maybe PG-13 movie rating and if there's a lot of it, even an R rating, even though chances are it is a legal activity in whatever place the film takes place.

I used to make love to Green Day's music. But 9 minutes? I'm not Superman.

Even if you are 18, my advice to you is: plan for your future.

Being on TV and getting everything paid for are the two reasons to do it with us instead of the court of law.

Why would any woman agree to be on a show called Bridezillas? It's not like men would agree to be on Douchegroom.

A friend is someone I complain to about my other friends.

I'm sitting, waiting to get on the freeway, and I'm waiting my ass off. I look over at the side of the road, and there's a hitchhiker with a sign and it says, 'Pick me up, and you can drive in the carpool lane.' I got to tell you, he was kind of smelly, but he was a good conversationalist.