The genius' behind the new Rocky movie decided to call it Rocky Balboa so that we'll probably forget that it's number six. Or Rocky Balboa can't count past five.

It's fun playing the judge, because I grew up on all the courtroom stuff in movies and TV. So, you know all the tropes, and you know all the expressions.

A message to parents who think legalizing weed will make their kids want to try it: they will anyway.

No one really needs to defend drinking. That's something that frustrates me as a comic: I have to play clubs where selling booze runs the business, so crowds get drunk and yell out a bunch of stupid stuff at me.

You can't always be 100-percent positive that a joke will work, so you've just got to try it. Fortunately, if one new joke doesn't work, I've got lots of old ones that do. Just like cops, it's important to have backup.

I'm sitting, waiting to get on the freeway, and I'm waiting my ass off. I look over at the side of the road, and there's a hitchhiker with a sign and it says, 'Pick me up, and you can drive in the carpool lane.' I got to tell you, he was kind of smelly, but he was a good conversationalist.

The great thing about being up early on a Sunday is nothing.