People come to me with ideas for shows, and I certainly am thinking of stuff all the time. And it's always like, you know, "Get high and drive a car!" Or "Get high and do this or that." It's always things like, "Well, that's a terrible idea to get high and do that." So, when they came to me with this, I was like, "Well, you're just sitting there and discussing cases."

Why would any woman agree to be on a show called Bridezillas? It's not like men would agree to be on Douchegroom.

Einstein used science to get laid. That guy is a genius. I've been using money.

If someone wants to make a joke about me smoking too much pot, I'm not going to get mad at them, because I've put it out there that that's what I do.

I just broke up with my girlfriend because I caught her lying. Under another man.

P. Diddy's gonna be exhausted, you know, running with the Olympic torch in one hand and the torch he'll always carry for J-Lo in the other.

The whole pot-to-alcohol thing is a huge issue with me, because I've grown to hate drunks so much, and like potheads.