The only thing nicer than a phone that didn't ring all the time (or indeed at all) was six phones that didn't ring all the time (or indeed at all).

Isn't it enough to see that a garden is beautiful without having to believe that there are fairies at the bottom of it too?

All through my life I've had this strange unaccountable feeling that something was going on in the world, something big, even sinister, and no one would tell me what it was." "No," said the old man, "that's just perfectly normal paranoia. Everyone in the Universe has that.

The great thing about being the only species that makes a distinction between right and wrong is that we can make up the rules for ourselves as we go along.

Funny, how just when you think life can’t possibly get any worse it suddenly does.

2,000 years ago one man got nailed to a tree for saying how great it would be if everyone was nice to each other for a change.

Being offended by things is the world's big hobby at the moment. It's almost taken over from wearing goatee beards.