I wanted to be John Cleese. It took me some time to realise that the job was taken.

The light was only just visible - except of course that there was no one to see, no witnesses, not this time, but it was nevertheless a light.

You come to me for advice, but you can't cope with anything you don't recognize. Hmmm. So we'll have to tell you something you already know but make it sound like news, eh Well, business as usual , I suppose.

Mc Donalds he thought. There's no longer any such thing as a Mc Donalds hamburger. He passed out. When he came around seconds later he found he was sobbing for his mother.

A mobile phone needs a manual in the way that a teacup doesn't

For a moment he felt good about this. A moment or two later he felt bad about feeling good about it. Then he felt good about feeling bad about feeling good about it and satisfied, drove on into the night.

Here, for whatever reason, is the world. And here it stays. With me on it.