You know, I really think that when God puts together families, he sticks his finger into the white pages and selects a group of people at random and then says to them all, 'Hey! You're going to spend the next seventy years together, even though you have nothing in common and don't even like each other. And, should you not feel yourself caring about any of this group of strangers, even for a second, you will just feel dreadful

What's a bar bill but a surtax on reality?

Most of us have only two or three genuinely interesting moments in our lives; the rest is filler.

One of the cruelest things you can do to another person is pretend you care about them more than you really do.

I'm an adult. Discipline me and I'll bury you alive. - Roger

You know, I really think that when God puts together families, he sticks his finger into the white pages and selects a group of people at random and then says to them all, 'Hey! You're going to spend the next seventy years together, even though you have nothing in common and don't even like each other. And, should you not feel yourself caring about any of this group of strangers, even for a second, you will just feel dreadful

You really have to wonder why we even bother to get up in the morning. I mean, really: Why work? Simply to buy more stuff?