Maybe the memory does play tricks. Increasingly, I'm thinking, 'What was their name? I knew that name yesterday.' I think that's what happens. At some point, I'll forget that I ever worked with Peter Cook, I suppose, and Alan Bennett and Jonathan Miller.

I haven't had that many women - only as many as I could lay my hands on.

The best car safety device is a rear-view mirror with a cop in it.

It seems that a lot of people, who haven't known of me as a pianist, think I've just started off as a comedian. And so for them the piano was something extra. But, of course, playing the piano was something that came before all of what's happened now.

Jaguar — For men who'd like hand-jobs from beautiful women they hardly know.

I am trapped in this body, and there is nothing I can do about it.

Masturbation is always very safe. You not only control the person you're with, but you can leave when you want to.