I haven't had that many women - only as many as I could lay my hands on.

I wish I had a dime for every dime I have.

Maybe the memory does play tricks. Increasingly, I'm thinking, 'What was their name? I knew that name yesterday.' I think that's what happens. At some point, I'll forget that I ever worked with Peter Cook, I suppose, and Alan Bennett and Jonathan Miller.

Masturbation is always very safe. You not only control the person you're with, but you can leave when you want to.

Not everyone who drinks is a poet. Some of us drink because we're not poets.

The best car safety device is a rear-view mirror with a cop in it.

Volvo — they're boxy but they're good.