Not everyone who drinks is a poet. Some of us drink because we're not poets.

Jaguar — For men who'd like hand-jobs from beautiful women they hardly know.

Maybe the memory does play tricks. Increasingly, I'm thinking, 'What was their name? I knew that name yesterday.' I think that's what happens. At some point, I'll forget that I ever worked with Peter Cook, I suppose, and Alan Bennett and Jonathan Miller.

Not everyone who drinks is a poet. Some of us drink because we're not poets.

When I think of Canada I think of tonic water.

Masturbation is always very safe. You not only control the person you're with, but you can leave when you want to.

I certainly did feel inferior. Because of class. Because of strength. Because of height. I guess if I'd been able to hit somebody in the nose, I wouldn't have been a comic.