In the course of an average lifetime anyone growing up in a house with such a clock will hear the tune over a million times.

When I think of Canada I think of tonic water.

Volvo — they're boxy but they're good.

Not everyone who drinks is a poet. Some of us drink because we're not poets.

Maybe the memory does play tricks. Increasingly, I'm thinking, 'What was their name? I knew that name yesterday.' I think that's what happens. At some point, I'll forget that I ever worked with Peter Cook, I suppose, and Alan Bennett and Jonathan Miller.

Jaguar — For men who'd like hand-jobs from beautiful women they hardly know.

Masturbation is always very safe. You not only control the person you're with, but you can leave when you want to.