I certainly did feel inferior. Because of class. Because of strength. Because of height. I guess if I'd been able to hit somebody in the nose, I wouldn't have been a comic.

Not everyone who drinks is a poet. Some of us drink because we're not poets.

Jaguar — For men who'd like hand-jobs from beautiful women they hardly know.

I wish I had a dime for every dime I have.

Masturbation is always very safe. You not only control the person you're with, but you can leave when you want to.

Volvo — they're boxy but they're good.

In the course of an average lifetime anyone growing up in a house with such a clock will hear the tune over a million times.