I need a healthy injection of cynicism right now.

We all know smoking is bad. I know I'm going to quit someday, if I thought I wasn't I'd quit now.

Men look at breasts the way women look at babies. 'Aw, isn't that lovely?'

Lots of comics try stuff out all year round, which is very sensible - I don't.

Women are like canoes, full of soup. At first everyone is suspicious but then everyone wants one.

People do need a social license to go, "Ha ha ha," and have a good time. It's a strange thing. There's a lot of social ritual around comedy and laughter. It's a bonding experience for groups, but nobody can tell you much about how funny somebody is. Sometimes people just need to be in a group and be laughing together, just like they need to be in a group in watching some really terrifying film.

Don't do it! Stay away from your potential. You'll mess it up, it's potential, leave it. Anyway, it's like your bank balance - you always have a lot less than you think.