I don't do drugs. If I want a rush I just stand up when I'm not expecting it.

I'm not drunk onstage, although I've done that a couple of times when I was younger. It's partly just the way I talk - I talk like somebody in a rocking chair. I'm your 150-year-old grandmother.

You learn very very quickly that it is mostly about swearing, actually. That's all you're doing, swearing, in a box with wheels.

You can't please everyone, nor should you seek to, because then you won't please anyone, least of all yourself.

You know what you are? You're a beard with an idiot hanging off it.

I suppose the best comedy shows do have the rock n' roll feeling - if it's a great night, and the roof is raised yeah, it's a similar feeling, sure.

You’re not an adult at all - you're just a tall child holding a beer, having conversations you don't understand...