You know, just sometimes, in between the first cigarette with coffee in the morning to that four hundredth glass of cornershop piss at 3am, you do sometimes look at yourself and think...This is fantastic. I'm in heaven.

Fruit... it's just God showing off. "Look at all the colours I know!"

Women are like canoes, full of soup. At first everyone is suspicious but then everyone wants one.

Vodka is a very deceptive drink, because you drink it and you think, "What is this? This is pointless! It's - you can't taste it, you can't smell it... Why did we waste our money on this, bloody - why are we on a traffic island?"

I do pauses, pauses work for me

You look like a horse in a man costume

Wow this place is really big isn't it? They must do proper stuff here, like opera and all that...shite.