Do your own thing. Speak in your voice.

What is universal can be surprising. Over time you find the kind of stuff which has people thinking 'That is just something that occurred to me there's something wrong with me', is in fact stuff that is universal.

Eggs! They're not a food, they belong in no group! They're just farts clothed in substance!

You know what you are? You're a beard with an idiot hanging off it.

I'd be hard-pressed to think of anybody who's made me laugh, who's funny, but who's also relentlessly positive.

Then you get these articles about how unhealthy life is in the city. You know; mobile phone tumours - far more likely in the city. Well you know what, so is everything else! Including sex, coffee and conversation.

I was fat! I was pustule-rich! I looked like a pink human grenade! When did I blossom into the irresistible little orchid that I am now? I don't know. Getting taller helps. It spreads out a bit.