I have tried... believe me, I have tried to like rap music. It makes me feel so very, very old. I have tried to get home with the downies.

You can see desperation in people who are too eager to laugh because they're in such a hurry not to look at what's confronting them in their lives and that's kind of sad because there's a kind of pornographic aspect to it, of making some sort of pain go away, of hovering around a pain, making yourself numb, not feel anything.

The characters can't be wittier than people are in real life. They have to be character witty.

The truth is that I'm constitutionally incapable of doing an ordinary job.

I was fat! I was pustule-rich! I looked like a pink human grenade! When did I blossom into the irresistible little orchid that I am now? I don't know. Getting taller helps. It spreads out a bit.

I have no qualifications to do anything else and there weren't any formal application forms you had to fill in for stand-up, so I thought I'd give that a twist.

I can't relax here. These people have no pubic hair anywhere. We have pubic hair on the ceiling.