Religion is the yeast of death cakes. It is the most awful agent on a vulnerable mind. It's the refuge of alienated and lonely people. It's what people had before television. It yokes people together into an imaginary world. It is just people talking to their imaginary friends, at length. I wouldn't mind, but some of the people are world leaders.

I do not walk around imaging myself to be intimidating or smart.

What I prefer is an audience who listen. And are intelligent. Which I try and assume every audience is. And that if something goes wrong, it's generally my fault and not theirs.

The characters can't be wittier than people are in real life. They have to be character witty.

I can't relax here. These people have no pubic hair anywhere. We have pubic hair on the ceiling.

Children are the most honest critics. They will say "You're funny", but also "You're pathetic - go away."

The truth is that I'm constitutionally incapable of doing an ordinary job.