If you covered a broom handle with oil and shoved it up my arse, then put me on a trampoline, in a lift, I could write a better song on the walls.

He could dismiss several schools of philosophy by shifting slightly in his chair or toting his whisky glass.

The sensible thing for everyone to do would be to write all their op-eds and think pieces now so they're ready the day after the election when [Donald] Trump is no longer in the picture. God, I can't wait for that. I hope he just goes away.

You look like a horse in a man costume

I write all the time, but you just want to be careful what you put out. That's all. You want to have the confidence that you've done what you need to do to it, because otherwise it's an exercise in vanity.

In my personal life, my family makes me laugh more than anybody; I think that is the same for everybody. I certainly hope it is.

I don't go around thinking of myself as a great anything.