You know how we built the pyramids? You gotta ask yourself a question always flip the script. What if up was down and down was up? What if you looked down into space standing up on Earth? This is how we built the pyramids.

Actually it broke my heart to hear that we were going to have to part ways, ... It's a business and they had to do what they had to do.

Stand-up comedy is a science. Every comedian is a psychology major, naturally.

We've lost a bunch on the road, I don't even know how many. It's a relief to get this one.

I never wrote a joke in my life. I just get on stage and let it flow.

I think men are afraid to say that they would love to have Michelle Obama in their bed, but they think it.

He's been on vacation for a year and month. Captain Kirk never left the helm when the Enterprise was under attack.