He's been on vacation for a year and month. Captain Kirk never left the helm when the Enterprise was under attack.

Actually it broke my heart to hear that we were going to have to part ways, ... It's a business and they had to do what they had to do.

In Europe, kids learn at least four languages before they're out of high school. But our education system is so underfunded, they go to school to buy heroin and an AK-47.

My cell phone fell off my lap. I was reaching for it in the back.

There's only three major elements. Air, land, which is your flesh and water, which is your blood. You're walking on a third of yourself. She's called Mother Earth. She gave birth to your ass. Ashes to ashes, dust to dust, your maggot food ass going right back to her!

Stand-up comedy is a science. Every comedian is a psychology major, naturally.

We've lost a bunch on the road, I don't even know how many. It's a relief to get this one.