Eddie Griffin Quotes

In Europe, kids learn at least four languages before they're out of high school. But our education system is so underfunded, they go to school to buy heroin and an AK-47.

The war is really about religion. The war's between Jesus and Muhammad. The Christians say Jesus is the messenger. Muslims say Muhammad is the messenger. Who gives a expletive who the messenger is did you get the message?

It was awkward and embarrassing, but you have to go through things, ... I got through it and I'm happy it's over with and I can move forward and start playing.

I believe God wrote the Word in your essence. That's the genius of my Father. You are born knowing right from wrong. You don't need a book to tell you that!

I never wrote a joke in my life. I just get on stage and let it flow.

You have to know the human condition to get that many people to all respond at the same time to the same subject. You gotta understand humanity in order to portray it.

One plus one equals three. When a man and woman marry they become one never two.

I remember riding across the Brooklyn Bridge about 12 times because they wanted me to keep up with the helicopter, and I said, "Can you have the helicopter keep up with me, my calves are burning!"

Add the hippie-rock-drugs atmosphere circa 1970, and you get Clinton's rechristened group Parliament, decked out in weird costumes, singing cosmic lyrics and laying down amazing funk lines - also lines of other kinds. One observer describes Maggot Brain ... one of those guys with super technique that took a lot of acid and just went out from there.

Makes no matter if I'm performing in a grocery store, you're always gonna get 150%.

90? 110? You know. It's a Ferrari, baby - you don't do 50 in a Ferrari.

I think men are afraid to say that they would love to have Michelle Obama in their bed, but they think it.

He's been on vacation for a year and month. Captain Kirk never left the helm when the Enterprise was under attack.

There's only three major elements. Air, land, which is your flesh and water, which is your blood. You're walking on a third of yourself. She's called Mother Earth. She gave birth to your ass. Ashes to ashes, dust to dust, your maggot food ass going right back to her!

Stand-up comedy is a science. Every comedian is a psychology major, naturally.

Actually it broke my heart to hear that we were going to have to part ways, ... It's a business and they had to do what they had to do.

If bribery is good enough for Congress, it's good enough for me.

I think some teams shied away because of it, ... But Minnesota stuck with me and I was happy about that.

My cell phone fell off my lap. I was reaching for it in the back.

I remember doing one day of work, and I was so good I ended up doing 25 days on that movie. And all of it ended up on the editing room floor. That was my first Hollywood lesson: Just because you filmed a movie doesn't necessarily mean that you're in it.

It was frustrating because I didn't do anything, ... I was at the wrong place at the wrong time, and he decided to punish me. I couldn't do anything about it.

My favorite date movie is Scarface. There's nothing like taking a woman to see Scarface. It gets the panties off quick.

You know how we built the pyramids? You gotta ask yourself a question always flip the script. What if up was down and down was up? What if you looked down into space standing up on Earth? This is how we built the pyramids.

It's definitely a relief that it's over. It's been a long season for us, with ups and downs. But we're going to put it behind us now and we've got to try and be a better team.

Reading is fundamental - fun to mental.

We've lost a bunch on the road, I don't even know how many. It's a relief to get this one.