If you go down as a comedian's comedian, that's basically meaning other comedians are hopefully feeling that you're doing okay.

I am encyclopaedic on World War II. My dad took me to D-Day beaches when I was a kid. I was there four years ago - every five years they have a remembrance on D-Day beaches and I would have liked to have been there and done my bit.

Sharks are just evil bastards. I'm quite happy if all the sharks just went, because they eat fish and us. And we need the fish.

They tend to come out a colour called 'Pants left in wash'

I definitely have breast envy. When teenage girls were saying 'I wish I had breasts', I was thinking the same thing.

There was no religion in my life growing up. Did God invent us or did we invent God?

Most transvestites fancy girls.