Father, bless me for I have sinned, I did an original sin… I poked a badger with a spoon.

There's a thing about trying too hard, which I think is in all forms, which is if you really try to do things really well, you can get to a less good place than if you just let go and let it fly. Especially in creativity.

Guns don't kill people, people kill people, and monkeys do too (if they have a gun).

I try to keep performing as much as possible - I just like to. I used to take huge gaps off between gigs, now I just like to do stand-up gigs as much as I can.

I am a professional transvestite, so I can run about in heels and not fall over.

Charles Darwin wrote a famous book in 18 [gibberish]. And that book was an interesting book, cuz it was called "Monkey-Monkey-Monkey-Monkey-Monkey-Monkey-You".

Most transvestites fancy girls.