Father, bless me for I have sinned, I did an original sin… I poked a badger with a spoon.

Cake and tea or death?

"I've done your dog. It's got nine eyes down the side, I made his head all square, 15 legs. What do you think of that?" "Fido looks a bit weird."

I don't believe that competitions are important.

I've wiped the file? .... I've wiped all the files? .... I've wiped the INTERNET? I don't even have a modem!

The bottom line of comedy is to be funny, and the bottom line of drama is to be truthful. You can be truthful and funny, but if you're not truthful in a drama than the audience leaves you.

I definitely have breast envy. When teenage girls were saying 'I wish I had breasts', I was thinking the same thing.