Father, bless me for I have sinned, I did an original sin… I poked a badger with a spoon.

But puberty was... well, before puberty, at school, I didn't tell kids I was a transvestite 'cause I thought they might kill me with sticks, you know?

I want to live till I die. No more, no less.

For me to put a look together, if it's going to be a boy look or a girl look or whatever, is quite a tricky thing to do. I'm not doing drag because drag is seen in a certain way and my comedy has got zero to do with what I'm wearing. I could wear an elephant suit and say the same thing.

Horseshoes are lucky. Horses have four bits of lucky nailed to their feet. They should be the luckiest animals in the world. They should rule the country. They should win all their horse races, at least. 'In the fifth race today, every single horse was first equal...one horse threw a shoe came in third...the duck was ninth...and five ran.'

That's no good, I can't steal from the fairly well off and give to the moderately impoverished! That's not gonna swing, is it?

Before birds get sucked into jet engines, do they ever think, Is that Rod Stewart in first class?